Twenty Weeks Down, Twenty (give or take) To Go..

I had my first ultrasound on Tuesday (Sept. 2). My mom and husband accompanied me. We got to see my little one’s heart beating, arms and legs moving, and an attempt at sucking his/her thumb. It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced. As soon as the monitor was turned so I could see (once the usual measurements were taken), it was amazing. That’s what I’ve been feeling move around in there? That’s whose heart beat I get to hear? They're the entire reason I up and quit smoking right after finding out [for sure] that I was pregnant. They’re why I’ve been taking such good care of myself. This whole thing is just amazing. Dennis (my husband) and I are so unbelievably excited about this, we can hardly contain ourselves. And the ‘big day’ is getting closer and closer.

Right now, there’s a little under four months till my due date. Where the time went, I couldn’t tell you. Every Tuesday we (the baby and I) progress another week. And it seems like the Tuesdays are getting closer together. By about four and a half months I suddenly ballooned up, and started to look pregnant, not just a little chunky. I’m comfortably wearing (small) maternity shirts (proud to say I still fit in a size 7 jean), and I’m noticeably pregnant, at least to people I know. I’m still waiting for the strangers to approach, asking when I’m due. Having seen the last few weeks progress, I’m betting it’s not too far off. I’ll be 21 weeks this Tuesday, and am absolutely shocked that there is officially less than half the pregnancy to go.

Panic sets in.

I find myself sitting in silence, asking myself who Dennis and I will invite to the baby shower. Then I’m wondering how many of them will actually show up. Where is the money going to come from to pay for the damn food? Dennis and I just got married, how many people will figure they don’t need to bring a gift because they just gave us one? Do people really think like that? Was that a kick? Ha, I just felt the baby move. When will Dennis finally get to? And can a baby really kick hard enough to give him a black eye? That would be rather entertaining, but is it possible? Then I snap myself out of it, realize I’m being irrational, and focus my attention on something else.

Aside from the fact that I’m beginning to feel self conscious, between growing out of a D-cup bra in less than a month, and having to unbutton my jeans in order to sit down comfortably, I’m still ecstatic. I’m going to be a mommy. I’m going to get to teach my little one about the world. I’m doing, I guess, what I was technically made to do. And as much as I thought I’d never be here, it feels good. I have a loving, supportive, wonderful man at my side, our parents helping us however possible, and a strong, healthy, growing oh-so-quickly baby in my belly. I’m on cloud nine.

Also note; It has been ridiculously hot in my apartment the last two days. I've wanted to do my yoga/stretching, but think I might sweat myself to death. I also think my keyboard acts up when it's this hot, and sometimes random keys will stick. Well, not stick exactly, more like, I'll press them, and nothing happens. Kind of like when wooden doors take more force than usual to close all the way when it's hot because they swell. In any case, it's hot, and a cool shower would be wasted since I'd start sweating again immediately after drying off.

And, the baby has been really active the past few days. This is freakin' cool. ☺

Cassie